6th of july~~afternoon
"walks in the rain"

you know, freshly shaved legs are almost as great as a walk in the rain. not necessarily torrential rain, because that hurts. and not a drizzle...that's pointless. but a solid rain that soaks you but smells and feels so freakin good.

there was one night that i went out walking in the rain in indiana...it was cool and the rain felt wonderful. there wasn't a high point to that though, because dumbass abby took her cell phone with her. hello, rain and electronic equipment DON'T mix. but i wanted to be accessible. i'm a nerd. back to that night. i went walking in the rain. i couldn't tell you why, except for the fact that i was upset. sure, i could link the entry, but i don't really want to put forth the effort to find the entry. so i'll just ramble on. back to my walk. i walked around the UE campus, it was really dark, and i found a serene peace amongst the rain. i walked from hughes to union to the bookstore...around the block to morton and brentano...back up to SAE, then trhough campus to hughes, where i just sat outside, in the rain, trying to collect what was left of my sane thoughts. yeah, there weren't very much left. sometimes it seems as though my time in indiana was just a dream. i remember the faces, i remember all the smiles around me, i remember the smiles i had. the laughter. but i never really felt like i fit. i did fit, but i just didn't feel like it. i felt like an outsider, wandering between classes, between buildings, between everything. i feel right here. i belong here. but my mind keeps wandering back to indiana...i guess part of it always will...that's life, you know.

i still wake up in the middle of the night and cry. i don't know why i cry, but i cry. it's only for about 20 or 30 minutes, but they're still tears, they still fall and i have no idea why. i'm happy. i'm really freakin happy. i realized today, once again, how i was so happy. then why do i cry?