22nd day of home month~~11 am
"so i was stood up again..."

what is it with guys?

so i was stood up again...a blow to the ego causes me to think...and think even more. do you know how dangerous it is for me to sit and think? just imagine a nuclear bomb that decides to think before it kills anyone...and it thinks about all the bad things it could do...and laughs. now, i'm not saying that i'm a sadistic little bitch and i think about all the evil things i could do. but that's about the degree of severity of trouble that thinking causes me. i'm a sick, sad creature, i know.

so i was stood up again...well, what can you do? absolutely freakin nothing. so i called aaron to bitch, he made me feel tons better, and i continued watching my movie. how appropriately fitting my movie was for my self-confidence level, despite the fact that the girl got the guy in the end. yeah, i was watching a teeny-bopper, pseudo-real world flick about college that had nothing that resembled a true college life except for the lecture halls. how appropriate, huh? it was only fitting that i get ditched by a guy that was extremely hot, not to mention the fact that he appeared completely nice. but what do i know? my track record doesn't really boast the greatest guys.

so i was stood up again...and trust was lost. i'm telling you, trust in guys is rapidly dwindling down to nothing. now, don't get me wrong here, i love my natalie and i love everything about how she is, but i don't really want to become as untrusting as she is. i've prided myself on the fact that i like to give people an easy chance before they lose trust...i.e. i trust them until they give me a reason not to. but this is getting ridiculous. a friend told me last night that the reason i get walked over, wait, stomped on, is because i'm too damn nice. that i'm convienient and guys like to take advantage of that. well, what the fuck am i supposed to do? completely change myself? i can play hard-to-get, but i'd rather not. it's my approachablity and my confidence...my headstrong and independant way of going after guys that's gotten me compliments all these years...not the times that i've made them chase me. but really...if you think about it, it makes sense. it's human nature to always want what you can't have, right? and if you play hard-to-get, then you techincally can't have that person...so they chase you. yeah, it does make sense...but i just don't really feel like changing myself to accomodate one guy. call me crazy, but i don't.

so i was stood up again...i know i'll see him soon, and i'll be nice, but i'll also want to know what happened. and then, if it's a good reason, i'll tell him, hey, you know my number...call me. and that's that. and then suddenly, i'm too busy to call him...and wait for him to call. i have plans and things to do...and when he calls...i'll SEE if i have room for him in my schedule. that doesn't appease me any, but it sounds good, right? and that's all that matters...geez...i drive myself crazy. i told you that it's dangerous when i start thinking...i just don't need to do that anymore...at all!!!

i'm out...shower time

abby

quote:

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."