1-21~~midnight, yeah
"misery and window dressing"

you have no idea what it's like to be me. the last words out of my mouth. you have no idea what it's like to be me. how nice, huh? yeah...i thought so. so why are those words making me cry? instead of alienating people, you have to reach out. those were the last words said to me. yeah...ouch. seriously...you wonder why i said what i said...well, there ya go. i feel like i did around the end of october, beginning of november. just miserable, lost, hurt and freakin empty. i'm having these awful thoughts about leaving and how much better it would be at home...and yeah. but i know i belong here, so why the hell am i so miserable? there's not even an explanation for this one...just misery. downright misery. that's it. just sad, pathetic misery. :( i'm terrible. but i'm here, and i'm me, and that's all i know how to be, so that has to be good enough for me, otherwise i don't know what i'll do. i know what i want to do. i want to sleep in a comfortable bed with someone's arms wrapped around me holding me tight. i want aaron. this summer was SO amazing, you have no idea. just sleeping with his arm wrapped around me, holding me tight. i can't imagine that right now. i sleep in an empty room alone every night and nobody understands...nobody understands. i don't understand me...i don't understand me at all. and i'm just convinced that i'm doomed to be miserable...find me a reason to be happy. and nat, i'm sorry, but being happy with just me isn't going to cut it this time. i'm sorry. i'm out.

abby

quote:

"There are only three sins - causing pain, causing fear, and causing anguish. The rest is window dressing."