april 26th~~lunchtime
"orgasmic pleasure"

my dreams, they are as empty, as my concious seems to be

speaking of classic rock...i'm just listening like there's no tomorrow. ever seen almost famous? yeah well, i would have LOVED to live during that time. absolutely loved it. and i've had this insatiable craving for pancakes that i can't explain. i had them last night...i had them this morning...i want more. what the fuck is wrong with me? i just want a stack of REALLY freakin good pancakes smothered in butter and covered in syrup. warm and soft...breaking underneath my fork. doesn't that just sound wonderful?

so i'm reading glamour today...(two nights ago i was with my misi and i trashed out on magazines...), and there's a special two-page article on how to have an orgasm every time. well, you know, me being a sex fiend and all, this definately gained my attention!! and until recently, i had been deprived, as i couldn't have the luck of an intercourse O. well, no fear now, i have reached that plateau, with, ahem,help. but i don't know if i have the power to "get mine" every time. i mean, hell, this is probably too much for you to know, but i had 5 a few nights ago. 5!!!! shit. i was dead. but i want to be able to scream like i've never screamed before (since i am a screamer and all). i want to be able to just pass out from oblivion. so this article DEFINATELY caught my attention. of course i read. and i find out that there's just five simple steps. it's that easy. hmmm...could it be? and if it's true, why is it that i have to wait until now to find out? hmmm...read on.

step one: "getting into the o-zone"
*tune out the rest of life
*get your brain sexually charged
*forget about his past lovers

okay, step one seems easy enough...

step two: "master your own domain"(or how to practice on you)
*use lubricant
*start at the top (duh)
*find the g-spot (duh again)
*it's okay to use stimulants, ie, vibrators
*try using running water

basically, step two tells us women to masturbate. okay...well, duh!!!

step three: "get a hand"
*direct him where to go...don't be silent
*show him how to do it...don't be scared to touch yourself
*don't aim for an orgasm...aim for performance
*again, it's okay to use a vibrator
*forget about YOUR past experiences...don't compare

step three in a nutshell...direct traffic

step four: "the oral approach"
*first figure out if you like oral stimulation (DUH!)
*make him comfortable, please
*break the porn habits...tongue-wise
*"open yourself up"...i.e. make it easier.

i like step four...HINT!!!

step five: "the intercourse O"(this one scares me)
*be 90% there before he even enters
*use your muscles...you know, the one which you use to keep you from peeing all over yourself. in fact, work that muscle out.
*aim for maximum penetration, THEN work on movement..rocking, not thrusting.
*lastly, you still have to aim for the clitoris. yeah...so use your fimgers if you have to.

step five...ummm...well, yeah.

and that's it. that's all you have to do to have better orgasms. sounds simple, right? yeah, that's what i'm saying...BULL SHIT!!! ha...i can't believe i spent my money on this. oh well, i'm a sucker. but you just wait until i get to cosmo. the main cover story is TEASE AND PLEASE HIM!. so look out guys...i'm giving advice to women to make them lethal...hahaha.