the 12th of june~~11:30 a.m.
"you don't own me"

i'm going through an extremely rocky time right now...waiting for possible impending doom is on my shoulders and i just haven't wanted to update...sorry. but, through all the bad days and the horrible nights, i have a great memory in my head. sometimes a movie or a song or even just a saying will do that to me. this one was wonderful...it makes me miss what i once had in indiana. just imagine an entire hall full of girls singing in the halls, the bathrooms, their own rooms...all singing the same liberating song. it's one that every girl should know, and if you don't...GET THE MOVIE!!! it's about strength, it's about justice, it's about standing up for yourself and what you believe in, especially when you think everything is completely beyond your power. bette midler, goldie hawn, diane keaton...first wives club. wonderful. and i just have this picture of shannon, me, sarah, erin, danielle, sara, jen, michelle, michelle, mandy, you name it...we were all singing. just up and down the hall. all smiling...as if nothing else mattered for those short moments. as if none of the past or the future stood in our way. that place changed me and held onto me. it always will...it'll always have a piece of my mind and a piece of my heart. i miss everyone there, but i know that i've *sigh* moved on...i've grown and i have to build anew. there's those i never want to forget...and i probably won't. but there's those i won't ever see again...and that's a stab in the side. but it's also life. you know who you are...you know who will be there for my wedding, kids, my life. i know that we'll always stay in touch, somehow, somewhere. and maybe someday i'll be able to run into you...all of you again. life is long, life is short. long for the people that we allow to touch our hearts, short for the time we allow ourselves to spend distributed between these people. i made the mistake of basking in my own sorrow to not take advantage of all the opportunities in front of me. it hurts, it stings, but it was my decision, and now, i reap the consequences of my actions. i don't know the ones i wanted to know so badly, and the ones that *did* touch my heart i don't talk to. but again, it's life, and it's cruel. but i believe that for every single cruel moment, there's a defining moment out there...and i love knowing that. it's freedom that surrounds me. so whatever is the outcome with my situation there, i have pride in the fact that it will help to define me somehow. it will help, in the long run, to make me a better person. yeah, worst possible scenario, it'll hurt. it'll hurt really fuckin bad. but i'm a survivor. i get treated like shit...i get myself into shit...i get through it. and i will prevail. i can. and i will. so don't tell me what to do, and don't tell me what to say, because you don't own me, don't try to change me in any way...you don't own me, don't drag me down, cause i'll never stay