6-11~~5:07 afternoon time
"aaron's mad"

boys suck. they really do. i'm not hurt, i'm not crying, i'm not in love, but i'm scared. i'm scared to lose. i'm scared to lose this new relationship that has developed so fast, i'm scared to lose this new guy that has me turning circles and going crazy. he's awesome. we can talk for hours upon hours and i have learned so much from him already. but i've been smothering him and he doesn't want anything serious. i've told everyone that i don't want that either...esp. before i leave. but that's a lie. i want to fall, i want someone to love me for me, i want someone to want me just like i want him. i want the security that i used to know before i leave. i want something to come home to if i get scared, someone who will smother me within their heart so i won't get lost. i want to be secure within the fact that i can call him mine and not have anything to worry about at all. and i thought that's what i had with aaron...but it's not...yet. i think. i might be able to snag him, as long as i SLOW the hell down. i can't help it. but over all, i can't fall for him unless he wants to, or else i'll lose him. he's not scared to hurt me, and i want this boy as a friend...one that i can keep. he's a great guy and we have the BEST conversations. the BEST. wow. two nights ago we didn't go to sleep until 4 or so...it was great.

well, i am going to wait this one out...until about wednesday...if he doesn't call by then, i'm calling him...and that's that. i'm hoping he'll call by then...i REALLY hope so. and it's weird that kristine goes over there. it's cool that they're all friends, but it's just weird for me. i really HATE it when guys talk to my friends first...i really do. just talk to me...i HATE it when they know more about my situation then i do...esp. when they find out first...GRRRRRR.

kay...gotta jet. more later. maybe i'll go out with chris tonight...i'll see.

love to all...

abby

quote:

"If you give up on something you want, you'll NEVER get it."