it's the 21st of march~~mid-day
"i'm almost famous"

music...it's just real. not for the money, but for the fans. it's real.

letting my fingers fly, i wonder, what's really going on? why don't people play for the fans anymore? why? so yeah, i did just finish watching almost famous, and my heart is full. i love the music. i love the songs that just inflate my soul...that make me feel warm and that bring a smile to my face. i can't help but to stop and just sing and enjoy. just listen as the music pulsates through me, setting me to dumb mode, as my mind races with the thoughts that the lyrics bring to my attention. so many memories, so many experiences, so much.

hair is grey, and the fires are burning. so many dreams on the shelf

things change. this i can guarantee. i know that my life has changed SO much in the past year. i've changed. friendships have grown, have dissipated, have just all but disappeared. but one thing remains...no matter who passes through my life, no matter what circumstances i will be put through...and that's me. i'll always be here. and for some reason, that's comforting. i find a strange security knowing that i'll always have my thoughts, my secrets and my heart. i don't fear myself today, unlike other days, when i hide from my thoughts. today i like me, today i am glad to be me, and this is just a reassuring thought within itself. how is it that a simple work of fiction can take my mind off...can make me think about me, and who i am, and who i want to be? how is it that someone else's thoughts are just not that different than me. it makes me have comfort in the fact that maybe we're not all that different. maybe i'm not all that strange. then i just laugh, and think, yeah, i am. but it's okay. i'm allowed to be strange, because i can still love and i can still be loved just the same. once i start to scare away love, then i need to be scared. until then, i'll be simply happy with me. and that's all i need. i hate the fact that i needed to escape to figure this out...i just want the strength to continue to wake up every morning, be happy for who i am, where i'm at, and what i have. i want to be content with me. that's all. just me. and i will. i will.

you say, i wanted you to be proud of me. i always wanted that myself