november 18, 2000~~one pm
"NOW i'm pissed"

DISCLAIMER: this is MY diary and i'm sorry if i happen to offend you with my true feelings and thoughts. if you need to voice your discomfort about what is said, please sign my guestbook or talk to me. don't be upset with me if you can't talk to me about it.

well, i've been confronted and this is how it's going to have to be. i was told today that yes, my diary IS a good thing, but the way i'm using it is bad. to defend myself, i'm going to justify my reasoning. i NEED an outlet of release for everything i write. if i don't get it out, i'll go insane...everyone should understand that. if you don't, sorry. i don't have that many people that i will open up to and tell them how i feel at that certain moment. that's another thing. what i write in my diary is how i feel at that certain moment. and only how i feel at that certain moment. i have another place where i release thoughts that are continuous...that one is NOT for everyone to see...that was the point of it. but i want everyone to know that what i write is how i felt at that moment, not necessarily ten minutes later, not particularly the next day, but at THAT moment. my feelings and thoughts about people change with the wind...every second. and i'm sorry for expressing them this way...maybe it's right, maybe it's wrong, but i'll learn all of that in my own time. please don't criticize me or try to make me understand your view if you just want to condemn me for it...especially if you have NO idea what's going on in my life. if you have a justified basis for confronting me about it...aside from the pain of a friend...if you think that you can reasonably talk to ME about it without making me feel inferior, then please do. otherwise...please don't. wait until the fury has died down. please...it'll be lots easier for all of us. and i'm sorry for storming out on you, but i needed to get out before i said something i realy would regret later. so i just left. i'm sorry...that's how i prevented myself from hurting you both.

i know there's GREAT differences between people universally, but especially on this hall. and that's what makes this place SO great!!! but sometimes we run into conflicts and sometimes we know how to get out of them and sometimes we don't. but no matter what happens, we have to be here for each other...i know that you are both here for her...but try to see my pain too. that's all i ask.

oh yeah...if it comes down to it...i'll have to password protect my diary...and i REALLY don't want to do that. there's too many people that read it and it's linked from too many places to have that. but it's what it comes down to, i'll do it. until then...voice your opinion.

abby

quote:

"Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success. Each time you lie, even with a little white lie, there are strong forces pushing you toward failure."