it's the 13th~~i'm dead
"balloons and crackers...what?"

not really, but i feel like it...ugh. i hate working rehab at the park. i know, i'm just bitching, but i really do hate it. really, i do! cleaning chairs and benches and painting stairs for 8 hours a day? ack. just not my idea of a good time...really. i would rather be working during the summer, walking around the park, getting shit done than cleaning. it's just so...boring, pointless, annoying...i hate it!!! kay...that's my bitch session for today.

i think it's really funny that the only person who really knows the truth about me, and what i do and why i do it is me. i just sit and think about that and laugh. i mean, people think they know me, people think they know what i do, but truthfully, they only know half of it. i'm scared that someone would run off screaming if i sat down and told them everything i did and why. wow...i know i would!

ouch-my throat hurts.

you're so good to me, i know, but i can't change

so last night...was well, last night. for those that know, you know, you were there, and i love you for it. for those that don't, you won't, and don't feel bad. i felt great and i'm happy. nothing but happy...*grin*

so take me as i am; this may mean you'll have to be a stronger man. rest assured that when i start to make you nervous and i'm going to extremes, tomorrow i will change and today won't mean a thing

i want more...more more more. of him, his life, his world, his smile...just more. i can't say more than that...just more. that's all that's needed. didn't think this would happen. didn't think it could.

just when you think you've got me figured out, the season's already changin. i think it's cool you do what you do, and don't try to save me

i just laugh...knowing that all my secrets and all my thoughts are mine...just mine. nobody will know them unless i let them out...and i just choose to hide so many within the depths of my neverending mind. it's deep in there, i'm telling you. deep. there's masses of lies, truths, stories, experiences and thoughts that people only see part of at a time. and not one person is responsible for knowing all...it's fun. i don't know why i like to torture my mind like this, but i enjoy the suspense of knowing what someone knows and what they don't. it makes me feel mysterious, because nobody can really say they know me. but i want someone to know me...besides me...i'm lost. i'm thinking too much. i need sleep. the sleep i got last night was NOT good at all...it was horrible. just leaving it at that. and i don't feel too good about myself right now for it. that's it...i plead the 5th. sorry. i just do. that is another thing that's mind candy for me until i just can't hang on to it anymore...and that could be awhile.

i'm out-but i'm having fun...

abby

quote:

i know it, it's a shame, a shame i can't show it. i see it, i can see it now, but i'm so far below it.